Long Road of Change
by GalaxyHitchhiker
Summary: Snape takes a long hard look at his attitude toward Harry and James, will be the continuation of "I Am Not My Father," which will be a chapter in this story,
1. Default Chapter

Author's Note: I posted the original version of this on 8/2/03, but later that day I received an e-mail saying someone had reported the fic as being plagiarized, and it was removed. Now, I did use actual text from Harry Potter, because I was presenting a scene from another character's point of view. However, I did not claim that the dialogue was my own. In fact, I explicitly stated that I had borrowed portions of the text and cited them appropriately. Most (70%) of the text was my own, and this was only the first chapter of a much longer, if not yet posted, story. Ah well. I am reluctant to admit defeat, and even more annoyed to have to compromise my idea, but what can you do? So I rewrote the chapter, without the dialogue. It turned out very different (much shorter) than I had wanted, but it gets the message across. Sorry if I seem to be complaining, but I had a much longer rant planned, so be happy.

Proper Author's Note: Now that that's over with, let me explain this story before you begin. This first chapter is a prologue to the actual fic, which is part one of two much asked for extensions of "I Am Not My Father." Yay! that people actually liked that enough to ask for more, and though delayed, more will come. I'm a slow writer and updater, but all will come together in time, I promise. This will also eventually tie in to my other fic, "A Little Hope," but not for a few chapters. I'm taking a little break with that to let this and my currently untitled, barely started Harry-centric fic catch up. I'm starting to rant again, so lets get on with the story, shall we?

  
  


Long Road to Change

Prologue

  
  


From the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew who he was. I didn't see the scar, had never seen this boy before, but yet I had. Here before me was a dead man. I bubbled with a hatred I had repressed for ten years, that very first day. I didn't see before me the nervous, skinny little boy that everyone else saw. I saw the confident, cruel, cocky father, the object of so many years of loathing. 

I could never allow myself to think for a moment that the two were separate, that they were very different. They were the same. And I treated him that way. I punished the sins of the father in the son. 

It began that very first day in class. I looked at him sitting their, talking with his friends, happy. I made comments about his celebrity, ignored the snickers and outright laughter of the other students. I asked questions to which I knew he wouldn't know the answer. I provoked him, and I watched him struggle to keep his cool, remaining composed and calm where many others would have burst into defense. I took out my revenge on his father through this boy, and I never thought for a moment that it was wrong. 

I never felt any regret, but for the few moments I looked into his eyes. They were her eyes. They were compassion and caring, and as I watched him, I realized that maybe he wasn't James after all. I never allowed this thought to dwell, to linger, because if I did it would have eaten me away. But I am seeing it more and more everyday. He has her eyes, the one person who stood for me even though I treated her like dirt. 

I will not allow myself to see it in him. I will not feel guilt for what I have done. It is too late to change. I cannot change.

But what if I have to?

  
  


If anyone is interested, I would be happy to e-mail you the original copy of this chapter. Write me at galaxyhitchiker33@hotmail.com. Otherwise, please review (much appreciated). Also, I promise never to write an author's note as long as the one at the beginning of this fic. I was annoyed, and I rant. Thanks. (Next chapter should be up in about two days, if you care.) 


	2. He Isn't His Father

A/N: So I was faster than I said in the first chapter (updated within twenty minutes). This is the chapter that's I Am Not My Father and really begins the continuation of that. Hope you enjoy.

  
  


Long Road of Change

Chapter 1

He Isn't His Father

  
  


Somehow he made it into my advanced class. Maybe he isn't as stupid as I thought he was. That doesn't mean it will be any easier for him. He is still cocky and arrogant, just like James. I walk through the class, commenting on the work of my students. I come to him, sitting in the front of the class, instructions carefully copied from the board on a notebook in front of him. I look over his work, and to my amazement there is nothing wrong. 

I can't believe what I see. I look it over carefully, determined to find some criticism. He smiled at me, mockingly, as if to say, just try to find something wrong.

"Feeling a little cocky today, aren't we, Mr. Potter. Just like your father always did. Five points from Gryffindor." I did it only to see him react, to lose his cool. To prove me right. 

"For what?" His voice was strained, anger just bursting, even with such a simple threat. 

"Disregard for authority, another one of your father's fine traits. Lets make that ten points." That would do it. Bring James into it again. So typical of me. Then something happened that I did not expect. 

"Sir, my father died fifteen years ago." His voice was so calm, so even. Now he was testing me, to see if I would lose my cool. I heard the other students gasp around him, that he could be so frank about it. An admirable trait. 

"How is that a relevant point to my class? Trying to gain some pity, in hopes for a descent grade? Your father-"

"Sir, that is my point. I understand, sir, that you disliked each other. Well, hated each other is more accurate, but that's not the point. I understand that you had some sort of grudge against him that lasted well beyond school. But sir, I would remind you that my father is dead, and the noble thing to do would have been to let that grudge die with him." 

I could feel the color in my cheeks, the angry red that came with his insolence. He was so calm and collected, while I was fast losing my temper. "You insolent, arrogant, stupid boy! Don't talk about things you don't understand. Your father was not the noble hero you seem to have made him. He was-" But he cut me off again.

"I know, I know, arrogant, cocky, cruel. I've heard this all before, and to it I respond, he was a teenage boy. He was stupid and arrogant, because most fifteen, sixteen year old boys can be idiots. But sir, I do not mean to argue his character. I mean to say simply this. I am not my father." He had stated the very thing that I would not allow myself to understand. He had seen within me the one way to make me feel guilt, to make me see that what I had been doing was not revenge, but cruelty. 

"Well I realize that, boy, that you are a completely separate entity, however just as bad." But he wasn't.

"But I don't think you realize it. I came here, six years ago, and on my first day in your class you treated me differently. You say it was because of my so-called celebrity, but I don't think so. I think you saw not me sitting there, but James. We do look alike, I know, but I really don't know if the comparisons go any further than that. You see, sir, he died before I could form any sort of memory about him, died before I could see for myself if we are in fact so similar. I would appreciate if you would stop talking your feelings about him out on me, and I would appreciate it even more if you would let the grudge rest. He has been dead for fifteen years, and since he can't come back, I think it would be the right thing to simply put the past behind you and get on with your life." I was so completely taken aback by his words, his calm, his forthrightness, that I didn't hear the class bell ring. I stared at the students as they walked out the door, as they surrounded him, a hero.

For so long I had allowed myself to believe that he deserved everything he got, that since I was only doing what his father did to me, it was all right. It wasn't fair, it never was, and deep down I knew it. But I was able to push it away. Now when I looked at him, I couldn't see James. I looked him over and saw a completely different person. He was the one who was pushed around, teased, ignored. He had never known his family, never really had friends until he came to school. In someways, in a strange, twisted way that I would never really acknowledge, he was very much like me.

But he was compassionate, forgiving. He stood up for people, for his friends. I looked into those green eyes so many times, into Lily's eyes, and they haunted me. 

I knew one thing, though. I had to make amends. I had to forgive his father, and I had to be forgiven by him, or else I would never be able to look at him, be able to sleep, to think. I had to make him see that I was not vengeful or cruel, that I had let that stupid grudge go. I had to change. But it wouldn't be easy. 

  
  
  
  


Did you like it? Hate it? Tell me! Reviews much appreciated. Will be posting a chapter of something (not necessarily this) at least every two days for the next few weeks. Once school starts, I can't make any promises. 


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